1
00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:06,040
Oleg Kuvaev and patrons present:
Masyanya. Episode 160. Wakizashi
2
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:12,800
I'm home!
3
00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:16,960
Hey, Hrundel! Who's asleep in our bedroom?
4
00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:18,261
Wtf is this?
5
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,320
Oh, that's Shaggy.
I gave him plenty of tequila.
6
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,780
What for?!
7
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,300
Don't yell.
8
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,480
I just don't want him
to see the news.
9
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,520
He's our Shaggy-o. He's Ukrainian!
10
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,600
He was born here, but all
of his relatives are there.
11
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,800
And for how long can you
marinate him like this?
12
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:34,900
I don't know.
13
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,560
I am ashamed and afraid to tell him
that Russia has invaded Ukraine.
14
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,640
I lied to him that forces have withdrawn,
15
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:43,191
that it was all fake, that it was all hysteria.
16
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:46,320
that everything is over, so now
let's go get drunk and celebrate.
17
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:47,640
Dude, that's brutal.
18
00:00:47,741 --> 00:00:49,991
What if something's actually
happened to his family?
19
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,040
So I found out! They're in Poland,
20
00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:55,960
and they're ok,
to the extent that's possible.
21
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,220
I warned them that Shaggy
will call them later
22
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,560
And what about tomorrow?
He'll wake up and go online right away!
23
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,720
I turned off the WiFi.
24
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,730
And his phone is dead anyway.
25
00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,800
I told him we don't have any of
those idiotic Apple chargers.
26
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,560
Good luck! Although imho it won't work.
27
00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:13,800
Why won't it work?
You know you can't tell him!
28
00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:16,360
He has heart issues!
29
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,040
This news will kill him!
30
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,200
Should have killed someone
else instead though...
31
00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:23,840
Damn, I got wasted last night.
32
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,940
What did I do that for?
33
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:28,620
Any news?
My phone is dead.
34
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,800
Everything is awesome and normal!
35
00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:34,351
World peace, friendship, bubblegum!
36
00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:38,040
.They waved their fists and then
broke it up and left.
37
00:01:38,210 --> 00:01:39,840
Don't go to work, btw.
38
00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,541
They all have corona right now.
39
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,050
Here, I printed you a letter.
40
00:01:43,261 --> 00:01:45,258
"Shitsoft company is in quarantine.
Don't come to work for a month.
Signeded Director"
41
00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:47,720
See, it's signeded...
What? "Signeded"?
42
00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:50,221
Oh, it should be "signed".
The printer misspoke...
43
00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,122
I mean, misp-p-printed.
44
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,120
Why did you print this
out for me, anyway?
45
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:56,590
Our router is down, I used my phone
46
00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,040
They promised to bring a new router any,
any any... tomorrow.
47
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,320
Crazy, what will I do
without the internet?
48
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:05,780
Shaggy, eat the sausage! Come on!
49
00:02:05,881 --> 00:02:07,281
I am eating the sausage.
50
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,360
Btw, your neighbor called,
he said not to go back for now.
51
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,600
That you've got auhhhh... flooding.
52
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,801
- What flooding?
- Flooding, flooding, ding, ding
53
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:20,040
What flooding ding ding? Someone
gimme a phone, I want to make a call!
54
00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:22,880
I'm not ehh...
I haven't ehh... I don't ehh...
55
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,474
- And mine is broken... socket ehh...
- And mine is something with the charger...
56
00:02:24,474 --> 00:02:25,756
- It's not good... it's a... speaker...
- Something is not charging.
57
00:02:25,756 --> 00:02:27,655
- It's not charged and it's got ehh...
58
00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:30,241
- I'll be right back.
- Me too.
59
00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:32,342
This is nonsense, we
can't keep it up for long.
60
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,543
I will install Civ for him now,
it's a crazy long game!
61
00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:37,894
That will last until tomorrow
at most, then what?
62
00:02:37,995 --> 00:02:41,645
I can't tell him our insane
tsar decided to play Hitler,
63
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:44,246
that he started a real war in
Ukraine, that would kill him!
64
00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:46,747
Sure, it's cool to distract him
from such depression,
65
00:02:46,848 --> 00:02:49,148
but who's gonna save me
from depression, huh?
66
00:02:49,249 --> 00:02:51,549
I'm also feeling shitty
because our dumbass tsar
67
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,350
has stirred up all this bullshit!
68
00:02:53,451 --> 00:02:57,251
He's destroyed our country, first of all,
and killed the future of our children!
69
00:02:57,502 --> 00:02:59,652
People are dying from bombs over there!
70
00:02:59,753 --> 00:03:01,203
And you're the one who needs support?
71
00:03:01,304 --> 00:03:03,354
We should have fought the Fuhrer harder!
72
00:03:03,455 --> 00:03:04,955
While he was still at Buchau!
73
00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:08,156
But we were all
nO PolltIcS pLs No PoLiTiCs!!!
74
00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:10,307
So here is the result of "no politics"
75
00:03:10,408 --> 00:03:11,858
This is where our fault lies.
76
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,859
Yes. Seems you are right.
77
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,460
I propose we infect Shaggy with corona!
78
00:03:18,561 --> 00:03:19,561
Oh, good idea!
79
00:03:19,662 --> 00:03:21,562
No, Kolobuhin, I'm not crazy.
80
00:03:21,963 --> 00:03:24,063
Yes, I'm really asking for this.
81
00:03:24,264 --> 00:03:26,564
Yes, to spit out the
window onto my plate.
82
00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:28,615
You've got corona, I've heard, right?
83
00:03:28,716 --> 00:03:29,866
Just don't tell anyone.
84
00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:33,967
I will give you steampunk goggles
in return, ok? Let's do it.
85
00:03:35,468 --> 00:03:36,468
Oh, yuck.
86
00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:40,269
Are you seriously baking a
sick idiot's phlegm in our oven?
87
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,770
Have you completely
lost your mind, like Putin?
88
00:03:42,871 --> 00:03:45,771
I didn't touch anything,
I'm making a bioactive powder.
89
00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:48,772
I'm about to take a mallet to
the back of your neck!
90
00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:49,873
My nape?
91
00:03:49,974 --> 00:03:53,474
No, cute children have a nape,
you've got a fat old neck.
92
00:03:53,575 --> 00:03:55,975
You've killed all the
viruses by heat, idiot!
93
00:03:56,076 --> 00:03:58,076
You'll be feeding your
friend empty phlegm.
94
00:03:58,477 --> 00:04:00,677
Oops. What should I do, then?
95
00:04:00,778 --> 00:04:02,378
Let's rig up the thermometer.
96
00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:05,879
You just stuck some paper on it, stupid!
Anyone could see it!
97
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,380
I hid his glasses.
98
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,981
He can't read without his glasses.
99
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,082
What? Hrundel, you moron!
100
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,083
What did you turn off
the internet for, then?
101
00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:15,084
You could have just hidden his glasses.
102
00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:16,385
I didn't think of that.
103
00:04:16,486 --> 00:04:18,886
Aww. What a moron!
104
00:04:18,887 --> 00:04:20,787
You should apply to be the tsar, Hrundel.
105
00:04:20,888 --> 00:04:22,038
You've got all the parameters.
106
00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:23,339
You don't seem to think at all.
107
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,240
Listen, now my glasses are missing.
108
00:04:25,341 --> 00:04:27,641
Something weird is happening,
I'm going home.
109
00:04:27,742 --> 00:04:28,842
No, no, no!
110
00:04:28,943 --> 00:04:29,693
Why not?
111
00:04:29,744 --> 00:04:31,394
You've got a fever, you got corona!
112
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,445
Look, Hrundel took your temp.
Hrundel, give us the thermometer.
113
00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:35,646
- Where's the damn thermometer?
- Oh, right!
114
00:04:35,747 --> 00:04:36,747
I don't think I took my temperature...
115
00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:39,248
Hrundel took it for you...
from the back of your neck!
116
00:04:39,349 --> 00:04:41,149
- My nape?
- No cute children have...
117
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:43,800
...nevermind, here, lie down.
Sleep a bit more.
118
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:45,651
Why should you lie around at home
all alone with corona,
119
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:46,902
no one around to even bring you water.
120
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,053
What if there are complications?
121
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,454
Just lie here. Want valerian root tea?
122
00:04:50,555 --> 00:04:52,755
I'm feeling kinda fine, really.
123
00:04:52,856 --> 00:04:54,856
Lie down, it's Omicron,
a treacherous thing!
124
00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:56,657
You smoking again?
125
00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,258
Give me a break, Hrundel!
126
00:04:58,359 --> 00:05:00,359
Smoking is such a minor
thing these days.
127
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,060
The whole damn world is falling apart.
128
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,561
What's on the news, then?
129
00:05:06,112 --> 00:05:07,562
How should I put this...
130
00:05:07,813 --> 00:05:09,513
Even to pronounce it is kinda...
131
00:05:10,914 --> 00:05:12,014
One thousand deaths.
132
00:05:12,615 --> 00:05:15,215
Bombed-out, burnt cities and villages.
133
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,616
Millions of refugees.
134
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:19,117
The whole world is against Russia. All of it!
135
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,918
And here we get imprisoned
for the most minor dissent.
136
00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:23,919
It's time for you to sing your song
137
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:28,020
Like, "this time it is shite for real""
Something like that.
138
00:05:28,471 --> 00:05:31,221
Now we are buggered,
Now we are buggered,
139
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,622
Now we are really very
really deeply buggered...
140
00:05:35,623 --> 00:05:37,223
Yeah, it doesn't seem all that funny.
141
00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:39,324
It's a real, all-out war...
142
00:05:39,425 --> 00:05:42,325
Like in the 40s. Only this time
the fascists are us, it seems.
143
00:05:42,726 --> 00:05:45,726
And also this symbol, Z.
You know what that really is?
144
00:05:46,177 --> 00:05:47,527
It's half a swastika.
145
00:05:47,928 --> 00:05:49,728
No, I am no fascist!
146
00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:53,429
I'm just unlucky to be born in a country
that has never seen freedom.
147
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:58,930
We have a tyrant, a paranoid schizo, a
dumbass shitlord doing all kinds of shit.
148
00:05:59,031 --> 00:06:00,581
whatever his left leg decides to do.
149
00:06:00,682 --> 00:06:02,682
In short, I have to go.
150
00:06:02,783 --> 00:06:06,183
Keep an eye on Shaggy and the kids.
I won't be gone long.
151
00:06:06,284 --> 00:06:09,384
- Where are you going?
- To Moscow.
152
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,835
Listen, how long are you
gonna drag things out?
153
00:06:17,936 --> 00:06:19,836
Why won't you give me a phone?
Where's the internet?
154
00:06:19,937 --> 00:06:22,787
Why won't the TV work?
Why won't you let me out?
155
00:06:24,988 --> 00:06:26,288
Alright, Shaggy...
156
00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:29,289
I'll tell you the truth,
but on one condition.
157
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:30,290
What?
158
00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:32,791
You will not go home.
You will stay with us.
159
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,092
Strange...
160
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,793
Anyway! Ahmm...
161
00:06:36,894 --> 00:06:39,694
Shit! How do I even start?
162
00:06:41,295 --> 00:06:43,095
Anyway, shit's fucked.
163
00:06:43,196 --> 00:06:47,096
It's happened. A total fuckup.
164
00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:51,897
Turn on the internet now.
165
00:06:52,098 --> 00:06:55,698
But your folks are fine! I checked!
They left for Poland!
166
00:07:39,049 --> 00:07:40,599
A final solution to the
Ukrainian question!
167
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,000
Yes to war!
168
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:43,501
Bombs and rockets for Ukrainian children!
169
00:07:43,602 --> 00:07:45,102
People Zehind the fuhrer!
170
00:07:45,253 --> 00:07:46,703
The whole world are Nazis!
Except for us!
171
00:07:46,804 --> 00:07:48,504
We will catch all the
traitors to our nation!
172
00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:49,705
Stalin did nothing wrong!
173
00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:53,306
I made a hideout shelter for you here.
174
00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:57,607
It doesn't look deep, but the back wall
is false - lots of room behind it.
175
00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,308
We put a mattress for you in there.
176
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:00,759
You're gonna be just like Anne Frank.
177
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,660
Alright, it's time for school, go!
178
00:08:08,861 --> 00:08:10,661
But wait - remember, this is important!
179
00:08:10,762 --> 00:08:13,262
We have no guests here,
only mom and dad.
180
00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:15,163
They both belong to the true people.
181
00:08:15,264 --> 00:08:16,864
Don't forget this. Go on, now.
182
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:22,365
We have reports that a member of the
untrue people is hiding here.
183
00:08:22,466 --> 00:08:25,866
No, what are you talking about?
We all support nuclear war!
184
00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:27,167
Death to all, death!
185
00:08:27,268 --> 00:08:29,068
Let's make certain.
186
00:08:31,369 --> 00:08:32,869
Hey dudes, is Putin here?
187
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,370
Hey, look, it's Masyanya! Heheh.
188
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,371
Say "go fuck yourself, director!"
189
00:08:38,322 --> 00:08:40,022
So is he here or not?
190
00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:41,623
No. He's in the bunker.
191
00:08:41,774 --> 00:08:43,524
- And where's the bunker?
- Here.
192
00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,725
I have a present for him,
from adoring humanity.
193
00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,476
You can come in, you're Masyanya.
194
00:08:48,577 --> 00:08:50,677
Let's go have a smoke.
195
00:09:02,078 --> 00:09:04,978
Hey! Putin! Cuckoo!
196
00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:06,479
Where are you, you bastard?
197
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,480
Putin! Where are you?
I've got a present for you!
198
00:09:10,781 --> 00:09:13,181
In accordance with wartime law...
199
00:09:13,182 --> 00:09:15,182
This isn't the end,
this isn't the end,
200
00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:19,233
Ah! Here's where you've
been hiding, you asshole!
201
00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:20,284
And who are you?
202
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:22,985
I am the mother of my children
and the wife of my husband.
203
00:09:23,086 --> 00:09:26,236
Tell me honestly, murderer,
what did you start this war for?
204
00:09:26,337 --> 00:09:27,787
Because they have nazis there!
205
00:09:27,888 --> 00:09:30,288
You can leave that bullshit
for your zombies, dude.
206
00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:33,389
There is only one nazi in this
situation - you, bitch!
207
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,590
There are no nazis there,
tell the truth!
208
00:09:35,691 --> 00:09:38,191
Then why the hell do they live free?
209
00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:40,292
And don't listen to me,
the great emperor?
210
00:09:40,393 --> 00:09:43,593
Our vassals see this, and they will
also want the same! That's what!
211
00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:45,394
So you wanted to reinforce your throne?
212
00:09:45,495 --> 00:09:49,595
Using hundreds of dead Ukrainians
and thousands of dead Russian boys?!
213
00:09:49,696 --> 00:09:50,596
Are you insane?
214
00:09:50,697 --> 00:09:52,597
Not only to reinforce, but to win glory!
215
00:09:52,698 --> 00:09:55,398
As you know, we're all
taught in childhood that
216
00:09:55,499 --> 00:09:58,499
Those who are helping others
Are wasting precious time!
217
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,600
You simply can't get famous
By treating people fine.
218
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:05,601
You have blundered into countless
war crimes against humanity, asshole!
219
00:10:05,702 --> 00:10:10,102
You bastard! Like Hitler, Pol Pot,
Mao Zedong, Osama bin Laden...
220
00:10:10,203 --> 00:10:11,603
You are in their fellowship now
221
00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:13,004
But they left me no choice!
222
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:14,805
I have brought you a choice.
223
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:18,606
I have brought the most reasonable
decision, the only correct one.
224
00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:20,307
Here.
- What is that?
225
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:23,208
This is a Japanese shortsword, a wakizashi.
226
00:10:23,359 --> 00:10:25,309
It's like a katana in form, but short.
227
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:28,510
It's convenient for, well...
you probably understand.
228
00:10:28,811 --> 00:10:31,911
For the only good decision
of your life, understand?
229
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:34,912
I'm gonna go.
You're a monster, Putin, admit it!
230
00:10:35,163 --> 00:10:37,113
Thousands of innocent people
are dying, you moron.
231
00:10:37,214 --> 00:10:37,914
Because of you!
232
00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:40,015
Because of your
bloated inferiority complex.
233
00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:43,216
and your pathetic vanity!
Chao! Forever, I hope.
234
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:50,217
Hello! Why are you all sitting
in the open like this?
235
00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:51,518
If someone sees you,
they will snitch on you!
236
00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:53,819
What, did your phone die on the way back?
237
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,520
Well, yeah. What did I miss?
238
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,821
So, Hrundel... shall
we tell her the news,
239
00:10:57,922 --> 00:11:00,422
or hold her up for a few
days like you did me?
240
00:11:00,523 --> 00:11:02,623
Nah, I'll tell her, it's good news after all!
241
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:03,624
Come here real quick.
242
00:11:09,225 --> 00:11:11,625
Well. I was... I was very convincing.
243
00:11:12,826 --> 00:11:15,226
This is good news,
of course, excellent even!
244
00:11:15,327 --> 00:11:18,227
But it'll be a while before
our lives are normal, even so.
245
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,228
They say someone brought him
a sword, right to his bunker.
246
00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:23,329
Interesting. I wonder who it could be?
247
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,330
Hope they catch the bastard.
248
00:11:31,331 --> 00:11:33,331
(c) Oleg Kuvaev
249
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:41,331
Thanks to patrons on patreon.com/kuvaev
and the "Transilvaniya" group (Odesa)
250
00:12:03,032 --> 00:12:05,700
Subs from the YouTube channel,
revised by Niffiwan (April 2025)